Eidolon by E.S Yu

Author:E.S Yu [Yu, E.S.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: NineStar Press, LGBT, PTSD, Assassin, amnesia, dystopian, asexual, mental illness
Publisher: NineStar Press, LLC
Published: 2018-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

VAX PACED BACK and forth, almost gnawing his lip bloody.

No. It didn’t make sense.

If he’d lost his memories due to a head injury, as Atali had told him, then why was there a recording of him talking to Atali and sounding completely normal? Atali told him it was because of the same injury he needed multiple surgeries for saving his life, he told him—

He fucking lied.

Vax leaned his palms and forehead against the wall, breathing hard. Atali fucking lied to him.

Which meant…

His memory loss hadn’t been accidental at all.

It had been planned.

He reached up and ran his fingers along the surgical scar on the side of his head, underneath his hair. A growing sense of horror filled him. What did he do to me?

“You…”

Vax jerked and turned. Zai was staring at him as though he were looking at a ghost.

“Ethan?” Zai whispered.

Vax wasn’t as shocked as Zai was, but he still twitched at the name. So many emotions swirled in Zai’s expression—doubt, grief, fear, confusion.

He didn’t know what to say.

Zai stood and slowly came over to him. Zai raised a trembling hand and touched his face, and Vax—Ethan—whatever the fuck his name was—instinctively flinched.

Let’s just forget any of this ever happened.

All I can see is that Ethan isn’t there.

He hadn’t forgotten Zai’s words, and remembering them hurt all over again.

He walked past Zai, but the apartment was too damn small and there was nowhere for him to hide. He made his way to the kitchen and opened a cabinet, pretending he was intently reading the labels of the packaged food inside, because they were so damn fascinating.

Zai didn’t say anything. Maybe he was in shock. That was fine with Vax. Shocked silence was better than…literally anything else.

“How?” Zai finally asked, sounding choked.

How…what? How had he survived? How had he become a killer?

How could he possibly be Ethan Tromer?

Vax closed the cabinet door and just shook his head, his hands clenching. All this time—all these years—he’d mourned the cosmic misfortune that had left him with amnesia, and the fact that there was nothing he could do about it.

But all this time, it had been a lie.

And all this time, Atali had known the truth.

“You killed people,” Zai said, his voice still shell-shocked.

Thanks, I had no idea, Vax wanted to say. But the pure betrayal in Zai’s voice killed his sarcasm. Accusation, heavy with disappointment, as though Vax had personally let him down.

But it’s not fair. I didn’t know.

Zai held his hands up. “I can’t—amnesia or no amnesia, you’d never—I just don’t get it. Your memories of your life are gone, but you still know things. Facts. How could your entire sense of morality have shifted? Everything you once believed in—”

“I don’t know.” Desperate anger flared up inside him, but he was too exhausted for it to take hold. “I—I didn’t know who or what I was. You have to believe me,” and he sounded like he was pleading.

“But you honestly believed Atali Norman when he said you were an assassin? Just like that?”

“I didn’t have a choice,” Vax said, in a hoarse voice.

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